Psycosis in rats and my 1st demerit

I recently read something about inducing psychosis in rats. Scientists do so by changing their routine. They condition them to believe this lever when pushed provides food, and another when pushed  provides water and so on. To drive them crazy everything is constantly switched around. Consistency ceases to be a factor and the rats need Prozac!  

            So I started thinking about this in terms of being human, and my first demerit immediately came into my mind. I was six years old and in first grade. Mrs. Lawing was my teacher. She was a beautiful lady from Hawaii but unsympathetic to the cause of a color blind six year old in need of help. I was introduced to, that day unknowingly, to the idea of moral relativism. You see (no pun intended) Sean Flarity wore very thick glasses to begin with, and it was no secret that he couldn’t see his own hand in front of his face. I sat next to him on this particular day during coloring time. He was doing everything as far as I was concerned at the time (aesthetic relativism is another blog. I was six!) all wrong. His grass was brown and his water was green. The dead grass and slimy water was more than I could stomach.  So I did what any kid would do. “Sean you’re doing it all wrong.” I said to him. ‘What do you mean?” I explained and we worked something out. He told me the concept he was going for, and I handed him the corresponding crayon. It was working nicely until Mrs. Lawing spotted us. “That’s one demerit Michael! Coloring time is quiet time.” That’s what she said!

            So you might be asking yourself. “What is the connection?” Well here it goes. As a six year old my knowledge of the world was limited but still somewhat advanced. I was very respectful to adults. I could tell you how many apples were on the tree and was a great reader. And most importantly I was very friendly because this is what I had been taught by age six. But that day I remember thinking about things differently. In a very simple way it occurred to me that kindness has its limitations. To put in adult terms I learned that our desire to do what we know is right is dependent upon a particular situation’s variables.

            Now to bring it all back together, that day was the first instance I can recall having the levers switched. I was doing what I believed to be right and I was penalized. It happens to us all everyday. Too much of our time is “quiet time” and we are forced because of absurd parameters to sit next to some color blind kid that wants his grass to be green like everyone else.  Some of us, maybe most of us, are trying our best to do what is right, but still nothing is as it should be, and that’s why we are a Prozac nation that has a really hard time loving or trusting anyone. In any case we must go on trying. 

A Mid Summer’s Reoccurring Dream

As far back as I can remember going to school until I graduated from college I had this reoccurring dream that I was in the classroom naked. I was always elementary school age. I must have dreamed this dream eighty billion times because I can still recall it so perfectly. I remember looking around the classroom to make sure no one noticed (they never did), and I can to this day envision their face’s features with flawless clarity. My teacher at the front of the class, seemingly oblivious as well went on about sentence diagramming. Always sentence diagramming! All I could think about was sneaking out so I could get dressed. The dream never got that far. It was mostly about the terror of being naked in front of others. I later began to interpret this dream as a sort of sub-conscious commentary on how I felt about school. To me, it meant that I could never completely be myself in an academic setting. I never really found a niche in school. It always seemed very arbitrary and forced, and I never wanted to be there. I was always going through the motions.

            I quit having that dream about six months after I graduated from college. About the same time I moved away from that crumby little college town and decided to pursue my dreams of doing whatever an English major does when he graduates from college. For me that meant having more jobs than I am years old, living in four cities in five years, and accumulating a lower credit score than my math SAT score, but in all those years I never had that dream.

            So now I have almost been home for a year. I have had the same job, lived in the same apartment, and seen the same people and places everyday for like 345 days. Apparently this kind of behavior is highly approved in our society, and it is referred to as stability. People love stability, and it’s very good for your credit score! Yeah! But I’m afraid stability might be the catalyst of a new naked dream. This one is weirder. It involves me walking out of a hotel in Chicago. I’m on my way to a Cubs game, and I’m like two blocks from the stadium when I realize I’m NAKED. So I turn around and begin to run as fast as I can back to my hotel. It seems very far away, but I feel as if I’m running very fast, and I’m not getting tired. Here is the really strange part. This really young African guy (how do I know? our dreams tell us things we cannot expain) catches up to me as if I were walking and begins to push me and laugh. Then he disappears. This happens several times while I run and it just ends. That’s it.

            My fear is that this latest dream may be a subconscious disapproval of what society deems good behavior. Do I really fear stability that much? Does the man chasing and laughing at me represent how I view society as a whole?  Is it possible that I’ve made my insides believe that the scheme of things is really in fact that corrupt? Do I really believe that if society is considered innocent then anyone who isn’t guilty isn’t leading a meaningful life? Secretly I hope so, but I probably just subconsciously fear I have a small penis or something.

For People Watchers

People seem to enjoy watching people. Everyone is a people watcher. Personally whether I’m sitting or standing I’m constantly listening in and watching everyone around me. I’m constantly saying to myself, “hmm good point.” or “really?” And I have to admit I love to make a grand sweeping generalization and I have quite the gift for labeling others by their social stereotype. But lately I’m beginning to question my behavior. I’m wondering if I need to switch it up a little. Maybe I should take up bird watching. Maybe I should just sit and watch my dog sleep. She twitches when she has nightmares and it’s interesting to think about what scares her. And isn’t it possible that I’m missing out on some action in the world of the inanimate? Maybe I could find out what happens to my t shirts, socks, and underwear. The point is. It has come to my attention that there is a lot more going on in the world than this tragic comedy we refer to as the human race. There are cities, neighborhoods, and back country roads filled with mystery and wonder. I’m ready to watch anything except people: my laundry, skyscrapers, rivers, lakes, mountains, stray animals, flies buzzing around road kill, cars, airplanes, I don’t care. People are just people. We are really turning into a dime a dozen type enterprise, but the way a specific body of water runs over a specific rock under a very particular moon is master card type entertainment. Or just pay more attention to your dog. Whatever works!